Monthly Archives: August 2013

Yeesh. Yeesh yeesh yeesh.

So, in a fit of nostalgia, I decided to go back and play the Megaman X series. That, and a friend of mine happened to have all of them and was willing to entrust their awesomeness to my unworthy console.  Eight games (plus an RPG I think?), eight bosses in each game, that’s 64 levels plus Sigma, Sigma-2, Sigma-3, etc. of platformy, deliciously blow-uppy goodness. Blow-uppy is a word as long as I say it is.

What’s the problem then, Another Gamer? Did you find that those awesome games of your childhood weren’t as awesome in adulthood?

 

OF COURSE NOT, YOU FOOL! X1-X6 are AWESOME. They kick so much ass, SPCA could almost charge them with animal abuse! X was innovative, X-2 built on its predecessor, X-3 was a flawed but amazing conclusion to the SNES days. X-4 was VOICE ACTED OMGSH ZERO’S VOICE IS SO SEXY <333 X-4 was also in my opinion the height of an epic battle between two forces, neither of which was truly good or evil. Very shades-of-grey (not BDSM) for a Megaman video game. X-5 was again awesome, but more for its gameplay innovations than its plot. Having said that, the plot was awesome and involved a giant space station crashing to earth. Rockin’! X-6, like X-3, was a flawed but still pretty awesome conclusion to the PlayStation era of Megaman! (Now, with real awesome Japanese voice acting-desu! Makes it feel more anime-like than any of the previous ones!) And btdubs… I did beat the tutorial level of Megaman X-6 using a Dance Dance Revolution dancepad. Just for the nerd cred. It was hard. I flailed like a fat kid playing Dynamite Rave on Heavy.

 

Hoo boy. Then I decided to start with X-7. What. The. Hell. What? What?? My flabbergasted speechlessness is understandable to anyone who has picked up that godawful game.

I look so natural and realistic!

I look so natural and realistic!

My graphics are polished and not confusing!

My graphics are polished and not confusing!

 

LOOK, MA, I'M IN THREE-D!!

LOOK, MA, I’M IN THREE-D!!

 

Let’s go on an in-depth search for why, in the remake of Star Wars: Episode IV, instead of putting normal trash in the garbage compactor scene, they simply filled it full of copies of Megaman X-7. It’s so bad, nobody would even save Luke, because they didn’t want to leave this game in existence.

  • The game sucks.
  • Bad.
  • The graphics are awful and klunky.
  • The voice acting sounds like it was done in a tin can that was placed in a prefab house driving on the freeway at 65 miles per hour.
  • The voice acting also sounds like it was done by a prepubescent teen with strep throat.
  • The tutorial was awful, and by awful I mean perhaps one of the most awful tutorials ever.
  • The tutorial was not only awful, but it didn’t prepare you for the game at all.
  • The plot was contrived and confusing, with a long introduction about things nobody cares about!
  • The game itself was… just… mind-numbingly awful. It tried to make a 3-D platformer but instead created something that was the awful, hell-spawned lovechild of the worst of the Contra games and Megaman Legends, and then got a hefty dose of radiation on the way out and was born as a mutated nightmare. I cannot hate this game enough.

 

I’m glad we had this talk. Don’t play this game. Please. Seriously. Don’t.

 

See you next week!

~AG

Why Mario is the greatest video game character of all time.

I tire, frankly, of doing serious posts all the time. Yeah, J-RPGs are dead, mobile games are like digital dementors except that they’re better at sucking your soul out, and as I grumpily tell these young gamers to get off my lawn while I’m enjoying the nostalgia, I reflect on my younger days… I came home every day and enjoyed the hell out of some video games. I come home every day now and enjoy the hell out of completely different video games, and usually there’s beer involved now (another big plus!). So I’m going to stop bitching for a while, if it’s all the same to you!

Okay, maybe not about Zynga. Screw you, Zynga.

Okay, maybe not about Zynga. Screw you, Zynga.

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The Birth and Death of the J-RPG

Sorry for not posting on Friday! This idea has been rolling around my head for a while, and it took me a lot longer than expected to get it down!

Kind of a dramatic title, but Japan has dominated the video game market for about as long as it has existed. That’s started to change in recent times, but certainly every big title in the early days came from Japan, from Tekken to Mario to Zelda to Final Fantasy to Bomberman to Street Fighter to Pacman to Poke’mon to… well, you get it! One in particular piques my interest more than the others: Final Fantasy. It is the epitome of the J-RPG (that is, the Japanese Role-Playing Game), and in a large sense has defined the genre of RPGs as a whole. Not much more I can say to make that clearer. You’ve probably heard of them even if you don’t play any video games at all. If you’ve played video games for a long time, you’ve probably worked your way through three or four of these games at some point, and even if you hate RPGs you probably at least had a soft spot for one of them.

They’re a big deal. One of the biggest deals in the whole industry, actually. Moving on.

This crappy montage courtesy of yours truly...

This crappy montage courtesy of yours truly…

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A Gamedev You’ll Love: Cellar Door Games!

It’s that time again! I’m not used to blogging twice a week but it’s a nice reprieve from the daily grind, especially when preparing for writing involves playing lots of video games!

Cellar Door Games! Relative new kids on the serious indie game development block. Up-and-comers. Mavericks. Like that one undercover cop dude in the first Fast and Furious movie. Dangerous.

Their logo is... well...

Their logo is… well… a cellar door.

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Adaptive Music and Video Games: A Love Story <3

Hey folks! I’m starting this on Friday (a little late, to be honest), but it may not be done till tomorrow. Sorry in advance!

So. Adaptive music. It sounds like something you’d hear at a Borg nightclub. But seriously, what IS adaptive music??
It’s music that adapts.

Yep.

Well, that was a short blog post. See you next week!…

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That’s right, back to America!

Willkommen, meine Damen und Herren! Es freut mich sehr, wieder zurück zu sein! Ich hoffe, daß ihr alle mein Weblog geniessen werdet!

Welcome, ladies and gents! I’m so glad to be back, and I hope you’re all going to enjoy my blog!

And so it goes, I spent the last year in Germany, studying awesome music stuff that you’re going to eventually hear about, I’m sure! Let’s suffice to say at this moment I am much, much more prepared to enter the industry of video game composition than I was a year ago. Not only do I possess WAY more knowledge and skills in the area of music creation, but I have also obtained a much clearer picture of what I’ve got to do to be successful. It’s still a long way away, but it feels closer than ever!

Seriously glad to be back, guys and gals. In my time in Germany, there was a lot of snow, a lot of lonely evenings, a lot of times when things were closed and there was nothing to do. But no, dear reader. Don’t feel sorry for me. Because you know what those lonely, quiet moments mean.

YES, VIDEO GAMES!!!!

To be more specific, video game emulators and computer games. But let’s not quibble about minutae. I was in a foreign country, with thousands of things to do, and a whole bright world to see! But I spent some of my time playing games. Sue me.

As you all know, if you’ve read my blog, I am much more concerned with the past of video games than I am with the future. Not exactly accurate, of course, but I definitely write about it more! And I thought for my first post of my return, I’d stay inside my comfort zone and write about them.

But I’m a new man. I’ve learned so much, experienced so much, and gained many, many metaphorical levels and skill points. Now is the time to embrace the new. To advance. To come out of the retro gaming cocoon, and be a modern gaming butterfly. So let’s have a talk, shall we?

Mobile gaming. *Dun dun dunnnnn*

This is a "mobile" device. In case you've never heard of it.

This is a “mobile” device. In case you’ve never heard of it.

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